Pay back or real concern

After a long absence from writing on this blog we have returned.

We thought we would briefly look at children disputes. They are those little creatures on two legs.

Often after separation they can become the silent sufferers, mainly because both parents are so wrapped up in their emotional hurt that they forget what effect their actions have on the children (all the while believing that they are acting in the best interest of the children).

We do not mean to criticise parents, on the contrary, as both parents will no doubt try and do their best for the children. What we do want to happen is for both parents to quietly examine if their actions have really been in the best interest of the children or been motivated by some notion of payback.

Is it really in the best interest of the children not to see their father/mother (excluding extreme cases of violence, drugs etc)? Mothers generally tend to dictate the terms on which fathers can see their children and this can sometimes be perceived as being controlling and manipulative .

If there is a dispute about how often the children should see one parent the first thing both of you should do is engage the services of a good child focused psychologist who can assist both of you how to resolve the dispute and work out what is in the children's best interest.

In practice we often advise people obtain outside assistance from psychologist and it is astounding how few people take up this option, instead preferring to spend thousands of dollars in the legal system with uncertain outcomes and lengthy delay.

Alternatively, try mediating. There are plenty of excellent mediators around whose job it is to try and get the two of you come up with workable solutions.

Do you really want to spend over twenty thousand dollars (Australian) and over twelve months in the Family or Federal Magistrate Court to have someone who knows nothing about your family tell you what you should do? We urge you to think about this as you are contemplating what to do about your parenting dispute.